Weighty issues.

It's a lifelong battle, this weight of mine. I've lost the battle most of the time, gotten the upper hand I think exactly 4 times since turning 12, and here I am, again. Aaaaaagain. I was fit my senior year in high school, at least the first half of it-softball and swimming are fantastic workouts. In college, I did alright after freshman year, but man was a hefty freshman year. Then after college.... ehhhh. Not great shape. My wedding day I was maybe just chubby, but our first year of marriage I was f-a-t, fat fat fat. We ate out often, cooked fatty stuff, drank a LOT of wine and beer and the weight really got out of control. July of 2010 I finally got a grip- I either needed to buy an entire new plus sized wardrobe because literally nothing fit me, or I needed to make some serious life changes. So, I joined Weight Watchers Online program. Loved.It. Their points system was easy for me to easy to work with, I lost weight at a healthy, steady, reasonable speed, I could still eat things I loved within reason.... before I knew it, I was down forty pounds. FORTY. 4-0. Between July of 2010 and February of 2011, I walked 2 miles a day, ran some, but mostly just used WW to get in the best shape of my life. And, I kept it off- easily, even! In November of 2011, I ran a half marathon in a time I could be proud of, fit into a gorgeous dress for a winter ball, and ... got pregnant! I kept active while pregnant with L, and was sensible with eating, and felt fit when she was born. The weight came off quickly at first, but breastfeeding, for me, makes my hormones absolutely rage and I cannot eat enough sweets. It's always been a problem for me, but something about nursing- I could eat an entire frosted cake in a day. Yep, I did that. And chocolate bars... pshh I could keep Cadbury in business. Eventually, the hormones leveled out around 6 months, B deployed, and I cut out the last 15 pounds I wanted to lose. Not down to prebaby weight, but I knew that wasn't a reasonable expectation. A pound or two crept back, but mostly I kept at a comfortable size until I got pregnant again. My pregnancy weight didn't get crazy, but it wasn't as low as L, either. But now. Oh no. Not a pound lost since two weeks after J was born. Well, that's not true, it's gone down five, then up five, then down, then uppp. It's painful. I've been back on WW, though not actually sticking to it at all, which is as good as not being on it. The sweet cravings from nursing are killing me, I just want sugaaaaaaaar! Anyway, all this to say, this journey I'm on is a long, long one. I actually tried to cut added and processed sugar out of my diet totally for three days. I dropped five pounds, felt better, and, I feel ridiculous saying this, but the skin on my face looked more refreshed than it has in a year. You'd think that would be motivation, eh? Not for this girl. Cutting out sugar totally just isn't something I can do for the long term. Those three days of structure and regiment turned into 2 days of full sweet binging afterward, and that's not a healthy cycle to get back into. So now, with J six months old, vacations looming on the horizon, and the weather finally warming (I'm talking into the low 40's, nothing extra special), it's time to get my (big) butt in gear! The war wages on....