2 (and a half) month well baby

A few people have inquired as to how Layla is growing and changing, so I guess I had better update! If the baby stuff bores you, skip this post :)

Layla had her 2 month well baby check up this week a couple of weeks late. When she was born, she was 9 pounds 2 oz, and as of now she is 11 lbs 5 oz. At birth, she was just shy of 21 inches long, and on Wednesday she was measured at 24 inches. The 2 month check up also included shots! Thankfully, I hadn't realized that until her appointment, so I didn't have any time to fret about it beforehand. So, after her check up we headed downstairs for the full dose of 2 month vaccines, as well as a flu shot, whooping cough vaccine, and tetanus shot all for me! I hated seeing her get shots, but I would hate even more for her to get one of the nasty illnesses those shots protect her against. That evening was pretty sad- she was sobbing while eating and the baby Tylenol couldn't kick in fast enough for either one of us! Thankfully, Layla got a good night of sleep that night and woke up just as pleasant as could be the next day.

Last week was a growing week for her; she went from sleeping a 7 hour stretch every night to waking up every 2-3 hours and that was rough, but I'm happy to say she is now back to sleeping 7-9 hours at a stretch in the evening. As much as I loved to see Layla's smiling little face every few hours (and she was always smiling and bouncing in my arms as I escorted her from her room to the couch), I didn't miss those early newborn days of sleeplessness. As of last night she is now wearing some 3-6 month outfits, and it's fun to see the new clothes even if it is sad that she's too big for the clothes she's been wearing since birth. Right now her favorite activities are: kicking in her pack and play, kicking on the floor in her room while I dangle her toys overhead and sing songs, partying like a rock star on her changing table (seriously, why is this her most beloved place?), bouncing like she's riding a horse when I carry her from her room, watching football, listening to her daddy play guitar, and as of this last week, "sitting up" on my lap as you can see in the picture below. Layla isn't rolling over just yet, and really does not like tummy time to build the muscles that she needs to lift her head up fully, either, but we're working on it. Other dislikes right now: bath time (she went from loving it to hating it in a matter of 24 hours), the Moby wrap (yes, we've tried it many times and will keep trying but no luck yet), and any pacifier other than the one attached to her lamb stuffed animal.

There have been some surprises for parenthood so far. I didn't realize how deep my desire would be to hold my child. When it's been more than a couple of hours, I feel this NEED to hold her. It's all I can do when I wake up before her to not go in there and get her before she wakes up. When she sleeps more than 7 hours, I wake up. Either B or I sneak in and make sure she's breathing at least every other night. We find her pooping face hysterical, and watch it like it's prime time tv. I hate breastfeeding-really hate it- but I'm doing it anyway. I respond to her every noise like it is a normal conversation. B adores the way she smells. I love weekends when Layla and I nap on the couch for 2 hours before B gets up. After Layla is in bed, I love laying in bed with B watching Frasier reruns on the computer. And I'm sure there are a million other things that I'm forgetting, but that's all I've got for now. Anyway, that's life with Lady Layla! We sure do think she's neato :)

It's a love/hate thing

It's a funny thing. I don't love running. Growing up, I full on hated it, actually. Over the last couple of years, I have made my peace with it and hate it less, but I still don't love it. What I do love, though, is the way it makes me feel. I love that when I get home, I am a combination of tired and energized. I love that somehow running makes me want to have a grilled chicken breast for dinner, and not go to KFC. I love that, while I am actually running, I am convinced that I can go only a step or two further but when I get home and see my GPS, I see the total of all of those steps. I love running in groups for races, like I am part of a pack. I really loved running with my buddy, Katie, in Ohio. I love how impressed B is with my time and distance, and how he always encourages me. I love that I sleep so much better when I get that exercise in (although, Layla sleeps the same regardless so that's a little less exciting now). I love that I get a chance to tour my neighborhood, or I used to anyway. Now it's me and the cows, and as long as they are down wind of me, they are ok company. I love how I feel like I truly earned a shower to rinse the salt away. And, of course, I love the way that my body starts to change after a couple of weeks on the trails.
I guess it's pretty obvious that I made my way back to running! During my pregnancy I would jog parts of my daily walk, but yesterday was the first time since my half marathon last November 2 that I went out with the specific intention of running. It's weird to think that the last time I went out for a jog, it was my goal to finish 13.1 miles in less than 2.5 hours.

Yesterday, my goal was to finish 2 miles. Period. I had asked for new, very nice running shoes for my birthday in May, and they had been sitting in a box in my closet, waiting for me.

I had pulled them out a few times since May, put them on for a minute, and then decided that I wanted to save them for more than just walking so back into the box they would go.These shoes were meant for running. I have been sort of "thinking" about going for a couple of weeks now. Somehow, I just never made it off the couch, but managed to whine at B about it a fair bit. So yesterday, when B got home from work, he took Layla from me and said, "Go. It's a beautiful day, you just fed her, you'll be happier if you run. Go. Now." So off I went! Up the hill behind our house, then down, then up the hill out of our village, then back. When I reached the last big uphill to get back to our house, I had to watch just the ground and not look up. One step at a time, I made it to my goal of 2 miles, NO stopping. And I was happy :)

Who am I, anyway?

These days my life more or less revolves around my tiny human, who dictates when I eat, sleep, and shower. I am ok with this. Seriously, hours fly by just watching her kick with her whole little body while watching her favorite toys swinging over her big blue eyes- I just love her to pieces. But it does leave me trying to remember, what did I used to do with my days? What used to make me happy, what made me "me"? As important as Layla is, I know that I also need to do things just for me so I can be a happier, more balanced person. I am ultimately responsible for my own happiness, no matter how many wonderful people I have in my life. So, I started listing the things that were part of my life for the last 3 years. Teaching. Running. Volunteering. Long walks with Thumper. Cooking and baking. Neat Freak. Scrapbooking. Sports enthusiast.Home decorating. Reading.Ice cream connoisseur. Weight Watchers fanatic.

 Katie the baker!

 Katie the runner

 Katie the sports enthusiast

Katie the volunteer with some of her ASPA board members


In this search, I've realized most of the things that have brought me fulfillment and enjoyment have faded from my life. Really, the only things that remain are cooking (because we have to eat) and reading (because I can do it while I feed Layla). I am hoping to get back to running SOON, but it's so hard to manage with Layla and the cool weather, distance to base, and lack of trails (well, we have trails, but they are currently covered in cow crap thus making it impassable with a jogging stroller, ewww). I volunteer with one of the spouses groups here, though it isn't quite my cup of tea right now. I'm all set to scrapbook, thanks to the great baby book my mom brought- but I ordered the photos almost 2 months ago now and no sign of them yet.  I also have to admit, not all of these things are Germany's fault, as much as I'd like to blame living here because I hate it so much. They are casualties of motherhood- specifically new motherhood I think. And so comes the opportunity to redefine who "I" am. I have to! Otherwise I'm afraid I'll turn into a spit up covered blob in yoga pants who has nothing to talk about other then her child's most recent bowel movement or "awww" moment. And even I don't want to talk to that person!

Daddy feeds Layla

We had a big moment at our house last night- B fed Layla for the first time! I know this might not sound like a huge deal, but her willingness to take a bottle from him gives me the promise of at least a teensy bit of freedom. It was also a great bonding experience between the two of them at a time when she spends all day and all night with mom! I hovered around for the first couple if minutes, offering annoying helpful tips, but then realized B and his baby girl were just fine and so enjoyed a few minutes on my own- after snapping a couple of pictures of course :)

 Hmmm, a bottle? This is different...

And by different, she meant amaaaaaazing!

minor CAR ACCIDENT!

A minor car accident: is there any such thing when you are driving with your child in the car? Since moving here, I have whined and whined that the roads here terrify me and that I'm convinced that they are unsafe to drive on. I'm not generally a nervous driver, and I haven't had a car accident since I was in high school, but our 6 month-iversary here, that all came to an end!
I was headed to base on a perfectly sunny, if not a little windy, afternoon and chatting to my Layla girl in the back seat. I wasn't going particularly fast, in fact I usually go quite a bit slower than the locals would like but I go at a speed that seems reasonable to me given the curves and narrow roads. The lanes end with the outside line- there is no extra pavement or shoulder just gravel. Anyway, my front passenger tire caught the edge of that gravel as I went around a curve and my car skidded off the road, taking out a road marker. I immediately over corrected, crossed the lane and then the oncoming lane, and then hit a bump in the field on the other side sending my car slightly airborne before I came to a stop in a nice, flat field. I think I can safely say that this was my most upsetting life moment to date, not because of the actual severity of the accident (all things considered it was very minor), but because I had my beloved baby in the back seat. All of the ways that this could have been worse started flashing through my head- there could have been a fence, livestock, tractor or oncoming traffic resulting in a head-on collision. But somehow, none of those things happened. As soon as I could slam my car in park and turn it off, I ran to the back seat to get Layla who fussed for a couple of seconds as I pulled her out and then gave me a smile and tried to eat. I'm pretty sure she slept straight through it all, despite the bumpy ride! Babies really are resilient little creatures, aren't they? She was just excited to be out of her car seat. As I leaned against the car and snuggled her and started saying thankful prayers, we were taken care of by the passengers of about 10 cars that stopped after seeing us go off the road. Did I mention it was a miracle that I did not hit someone else? This is a well traveled road and we were on it during one of its busiest times. A nice German man insisted I sit, while another German man who is also a police officer on Ramstein Air Base called to report the accident. It took me awhile to reach B, who was in a meeting, but once I did he was on his way. Both the base police and the German police who responded were kind and caring, though they did all wonder how I had lost my bumper (when I went over the bump, it caught the hill on landing). The farmer whose land I was on drove his tractor over to yell at me, and the German police told him that nothing was damaged and to move along. I had signed up for the German version of AAA the day before-is that crazy or what?- so we had my car towed for free back to our house. So, that is where my car currently sits, waiting for new rims for the tires because I managed to bend most of those. B was able to reattach the bumper, so all things considered, the damage to the car was minimal. I wish I could say the same for the damage to my confidence. This crash was MY fault. It wasn't raining, I wasn't behind a tractor, I wasn't hit by someone else, I wasn't texting(my phone here doesn't do that anyway), I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. The lanes here are just extra narrow. I misjudged the lane, and that little misjudgement could have caused absolute tragedy. Driving now makes my heart race, my knuckles turn white, and my shoulders to tighten to the point where they ache when I get home. It's been a week and a half now, and I'm hoping it gets better. It hasn't yet. But the thought of hurting my baby is more than I can stomach. I managed to keep it together through everything that day, no real tears, no freak out... until that night when I crawled into bed. I couldn't stop crying, and couldn't stop thinking about all of the what ifs. B has been so supportive and encouraging, as have my family, which are the only reasons I have driven anywhere at this point. If it had been up to me I would have cancelled all plans that required me to drive, which is so not like me. I know that won't fix anything, though, and living where we do mandates that I drive often. So I'm taking it one drive at a time for now. The real test will be once my car is fixed and I can drive it again... but for now, I'm just going to be thankful that Layla and I are both safe.

Side note: I was going to try to take a few pictures of where the accident happened, but there isn't a safe spot anywhere to pull off to do that so you'll just have to use your imagination :)

Did I really just wear that?

 See that long black snakey thing draped over my dining chairs? Know what it is?

 

Yep. It's a Moby wrap. I broke down and tried it. 

  

I never really planned on using a wrap. I just didn't see why I would want to use this instead of a traditional carrier. That is, until I tried to put my 2 week old baby into one and realized carriers aren't made for babies quite that small! Even at almost 8 weeks, she is still uncomfortable in it. So, why not just use my awesome jogging stroller everywhere we go, you might ask. Well, it's darn hard to walk my spastic dog and push a jogging stroller up the hills in Germany! I've done it, nobody has gotten hurt, but it's not maybe our *best* walking situation. Also, not much around here is stroller friendly! Sidewalks are often too narrow for my stroller, store aisles off base are impossible, and sometimes I need to put something in my cart at the commissary other than Layla's car seat (shocking, I know). In addition to these things, sometimes it's just a big hassle to unload and then reload the stroller into my car that barely fits it- it's like a Rubik's cube trying to get it in. All of that being said, I didn't LOVE the idea of the Moby wrap for a few different reasons. For starters, the darn thing is ugly! I have enough extra weight just "hanging" around right now, why would I want to add some more bulk by tying on 8 feet of heavy fabric? In addition, the wrap doesn't really make the baby "hands free"- her neck absolutely still needs my hand on it supporting her at all times at this point, and I can't really ever see a time where I wouldn't feel the need to have one hand/arm available for extra support. One reason was admittedly the preconceived notion that this would automatically align me with the attachment parenting movement, which is not really the type of parenting we plan to use. By that I mean, I don't want to wear Layla always, we do not have a family bed where she sleeps with us, and she will be lucky to not be on formula by the time she is 6 months (let alone 6 years!). It's certainly a personal choice some people make, it's just not for us. However, I'm discovering I have plenty of friends who use the wrap, but don't attachment parent. All of this being said, I decided to give it a go. I purchased a preowned model from the online sales group here, washed it (twice) and watched the "how to" video CeCe sent me. First I had to cram my baby into the wrap(really, it's kind of strange to get used to).

Then I had to convince her that she was safe. Bonus for her, a direct chute down which to spit up on mommy and I can't see it until I take her off!

 Annnnnd we're set to walk.

The verdict? Layla didn't HATE it. She didn't love it either. I'm with her. It was kind of "meh". Was it easier than hauling a jogging stroller out and trying to yank Thumper to the left side only? Yes. But we didn't actually go as far as we do on our normal walks because I was getting a strong vibe from my daughter that I should only walk out as far as I was willing to listen to her wail on the way back in. Since I didn't feel like standing on the hill overlooking our whole village and listening to her scream "I AM UNIMPRESSED!!!!!" we kept our outing brief. It was fun that she stayed awake the whole walk, and was more engaged in what was going on around her. The downside? She stayed awake the whole walk and didn't nap for an extra hour when we got home. I know, can't I have my cake and eat it, too? This thing is also really toasty, so it's good that it's chilly outside right now! I came home and plopped her into her very favorite spot other than being held.... my pillow!

 

I was rewarded for my efforts with a smile :)

  

I wanted to include this one because this is how Thumper helps us out. When I put Layla into the pack and play while I get ready, Thumper watches over her and lets me know if Layla gets too upset by coming and getting me! She's really such a good dog!

Military Family Sacrifices

I knew that there would be things I would miss out on when I married a man in the military. Up until now, most of them had been relatively minor. However, this last weekend was the day I had both looked forward to and dreaded since arriving in Germany- my sister's wedding! Why did I dread this day? Because I knew from the day she picked her wedding date that it would be very unlikely that I would be there. I was already 7 weeks pregnant and B had his orders to Ramstein when Ellen decided that September 29th would be her big day. My due date was 7 weeks before Ellen's wedding, and overseas passports for newborns took 8-10 weeks at that time. When we got to Germany, I immediately started researching all options regarding passports- was there anything we could do to get this process started early? To make it go more quickly? Was she eligible for a German passport? Could we expedite it? Could we drive to the US Consulate in Frankfurt?  If we traveled on a Space Available flight directly out of Ramstein Air Base into another stateside base, could she get in without a passport? The answer to every one of these questions was a resounding NO. No, we couldn't expedite it, no she couldn't get a German passport to travel on, no we couldn't go straight to the consulate... no way, no how could we speed up this process at all. Not only was it no to all of these questions, we also couldn't get an appointment to even BEGIN the passport process until 3 weeks after she was born. At that time, we found out the application now takes 10-14 weeks, and we would be lucky to see her passport before Christmas. My mother-in-law offered to come stay here and I could leave Layla with her and Beau and go back to the US by myself for the weekend... but from the minute I snuggled up with my tiny baby I knew I couldn't leave her behind. That sealed the deal. The party would have to go on without me. As my friend CeCe so correctly put it, I realized that my life and what I want is no longer #1. And as ok with that as I am, it doesn't mean that I wasn't completely heart broken about not being in Colorado Springs on September 29. Ellen and I had started talking about her big day before she was even engaged. We looked at venues online together, I started a pinterest board called "Ellen's Dream Wedding" to keep track of all of the ideas, shopped bridesmaid dresses on different websites, talked about all of the things that would make her day special. Over Christmas, I was able to go wedding dress shopping with her, my sister Beth, and our mom, and I am so happy that we were all together when Ellen found her gorgeous gown! I knew this wedding would be beautiful, and I love big fancy parties more than just about anyone (seriously, LOVE them. B's last job didn't have a military ball so I sort of became president of the spouses organization juuuust so my girlfriend and I could throw one!). This was going to be a big fancy party with my family, and my family knows how to have a good time! And I was going to miss this party because I was stuck in the prison referred to as "Germany", not because I was somewhere desirable that I was choosing over the wedding. So as the wedding day approached and it became more real that I wouldn't be there, I slipped into a depression of sorts. I couldn't stand not knowing what was going on, but hearing about the fun I wouldn't be there for made me bitter. I would snuggle Layla, knowing that she, and the togetherness of our little family, would be the only thing in the world that would make missing this wedding worth it. It became a viscous cycle: call family, hear plans, hang up and scream about the unfairness of it all and curse the passport office/Germany, cuddle Layla, feel better annnnnnd repeat. The last week before the wedding involved a lot less of the feeling better stage and was replaced with sporadic crying outburts. Ordinarily I am not much of a crier, but between this and my mom's visit, I have cried more in the last 7 weeks than in probably the last 7 years! It of course wasn't just that I was missing the party. I was missing precious time with our family all together. With both of my sisters living in different parts of the country from my parents, it's getting harder and harder to get us all together. I was missing a chance for everyone to meet my daughter, and as I've said in previous posts it upsets me so much that when Layla meets her Dziadzia and aunts, she will no longer be in the teeny newborn stage. I was missing seeing my own aunts and cousins, many of whom I haven't seen in a few years, and I love catching up and laughing with them. But most of all, I would not be there to help my family. I couldn't joke with my introverted dad to help him loosen up as the family poured in from around the country. I couldn't help Beth with her bridesmaid speech (not that she needed it, I hear it was great!) and assist with the bridesmaid duties. I couldn't help my mom run errands, set things up, cook, clean, entertain, and in general take care of everything and everyone. And most of all, I couldn't help Ellen on the biggest day of her life so far- no helping her describe to the stylist how she wanted her hair, help her get that stunning dress on, help her stay calm as small things went off track on the wedding day(there are always a couple of things that stray from plans), and help her not cry because raccoon eyes are so not flattering in pictures that last a lifetime. Thinking about it all  made me a crazy person! My family helped as much as they could. My mom and dad reassured me over and over that they missed me and that I wasn't forgotten. Beth sent me text messages, and Ellen would call while she was out running errands. My good friend CeCe agreed to pack up her son Jack come spend the night of Ellen's wedding here with us. She was such a fabulous companion, and I'm thankful she was willing to do that. She kept me distracted when I couldn't get a hold of anyone to fill me in on what was going on, and then let me talk to them when I could. It really was so nice to have her here. Through the magic of modern technology, and the work of my truly loving cousin Carolyn, I was able to tune in for many of the big moments of the day (if you were at Ellen's wedding you probably waved hello to me on her iPad!). Carolyn walked around with her iPad while logged in with me over Google's video chat, and I saw the Fine Arts Center being decorated, chatted with Ellen as she sipped her mimosa in the bride's room before the ceremony, and then Carolyn set up right where the wedding party entered the courtyard and I watched as my parents, Beth, and finally Ellen walked down the long grassy aisle. Both before and after the wedding I was able to say hello to some of the family and friends that attended, all from the comfort of my couch in my pajamas in the middle of the night. I'll forever be grateful to Carolyn for being my "eyes" at the wedding. Now the wedding day is in the past. I can no longer hold to any hope that I will somehow make it there, but it's also not looming over my head like the big ugly clouds here in Oberstaufenbach. So, for now we will have to wait for that magical day when a navy blue booklet marked PASSPORT arrives in the mail until we book our tickets back to the States (theinstantitarrives). I hope it's a long time before we have to experience again one of the BIG downsides of being a military family.