A Week of Lasts

And so we begin the final countdown of our time together as a family of 3 for the next 7 months. Up until now, it's been pretty easy to just say, "It's coming up, but it's not here yet." I can't really do that anymore! B's already mailed quite a bit of his gear so it will be waiting for him when he gets there, and his bags are packed, prepped, and waiting in his office. He really did a great job of not waiting until the last minute, so that he could spend the last few days just enjoying being present and not stressing the details of what to bring. One of the many things I love about him is that he doesn't wait for the last minute to prepare (I'm pretty guilty of that one). Whether it's school, work, or even just getting ready to leave the house for the day, B gets what he needs to done first, and then relaxes later. This often results in me barking directions as I run late since I do my relaxing first and he inevitably ends up helping me get out the door close to on time...Sigh. I will miss that.
So, a few people have asked how I'm feeling about all of this. Am I anxious? Nervous? Sad? Angry? Ready? I guess I'm not really sure. As far as the deployment itself goes, B is going to about as safe of a place as he could go for a deployment. He'll have good access to communication and he'll be in the same time zone as me, so we'll be able to chat often which is such a blessing. It will be for less than a year, so we are lucky it isn't for longer. He will be able to come home or meet up with us a couple of times while he is gone, and I am looking forward to that already. Many of these things are really stressful points for other families facing a deployment, so in that department I feel pretty at ease.
I am MOST sad about the parts of Layla's life he will be missing. I know that the upside to him being gone when he is, is that she won't remember him not being around. By the time she starts making real memories, he will have been back for some time. But, he will miss so many firsts that we have looked forward to since finding out Layla was on the way. Unless a tooth breaks through in the next couple of days, he will miss that (though he also misses out on the crying from that, so... maybe a win for him?). He won't be there to see her sit up for the first time, and then see her connect the dots as she pushes up to her hands and knees to begin inching forward. I won't be able to scream at him to come see her start to pull up on things, only to have her land on her bottom the first few (hundred) times. I'll be that crazy woman in the grocery store, asking random people, "Did it sound like she just said 'mama' to you?", because I won't be able to ask him if he heard what I heard. She will more than likely be taking a few steps before B is back in the house. So, when he leaves, Layla will be just a wiggly worm on the floor, rolling back and forth but staying relatively put. When he comes back, she will be walking, talking, and into everything. Depending on when exactly he gets home, B will also miss her first birthday. Originally, we were pretty certain he would be back in time, but now it is looking like we will be waiting to celebrate as a family until she is closer to 14 months. Like I said, I know the great thing is she will never remember it. But I will.  The only other thing that really concerns me is... being where we are! I think that if I were stateside, I'd be sad, of course, to be away from my husband and Layla's dad, but otherwise be feeling ok. The fact is, though, we aren't stateside. And I hate it here. I mean, from the gut, HATE. Despise. Loathe. We will have been here 10 months when B leaves, and in that time, I have grown to hate it more than I ever thought I could, despite assurances from everyone to the contrary ("Give it time, you'll LOVE it after six months" "Everyone has a hard time at first, and then it gets so wonderful"... and so on). B, on the other hand, loves it. And he's leaving me. Alone. Blahhhhhh. So I guess I am feeling a little less than happy about that. I had always planned that if B deployed, I would come up with some fun traditions to get through the time. Saturday mornings at a local breakfast place, where I could sit and people watch while sipping my coffee and playing with Layla. Maybe Wednesday nights I could have a standing date with a girlfriend where we would meet at a different restaurant for dinner. A couple of road trips home to Colorado and South Carolina for some quality time with grandparents for Layla. Those plans unfortunately won't work here. We're too far for road trips, there is seriously NOWHERE within a 20 minute drive for me to sit and enjoy breakfast on a Saturday morning, and dinner is more than an hour affair which I do not have time for. So, I'm reworking my plans.On the upside, by the time B is home, we will be more than halfway through our time here! Hooray!
I am really fortunate to have a good friend who plans to come visit (Mary actually JUST booked her tickets and I am so excited! WOOOO!!!), and I hope my family will be able to make it out at some point, too. I know that this, too, shall pass. Right now, I'm going to enjoy the last of our time together, and then look forward to our reunion!

On hold

I'm pretty behind on this blog right now, and it will be on hold a little bit longer. We are preparing for B's upcoming 6 month deployment, so we are trying to spend pretty much all of our downtime as a family. Once he leaves at the beginning of February, I'll get things updated again!