My second child is the worst sleeper ever

For those who read my blog, I'm fairly certain it's not news that we now have two children. I don't think anybody reads this thing who doesn't know me in real life, certainly not now that I've been absent from blogging for about a year and two months. But, just in case you didn't know, L is now 2 and a half, and her little brother, J, is coming up on 5 months old. L wasn't a great sleeper, she woke up 2-3 times a night until she was 9 months old or so, and then at least once a night until she was about a year. That being said, from the time she was 5 WEEKS old, I would swaddle her, nurse her, and then put her in her crib in her room where she slept for the entire night. I'd stumble across the house in the middle of the night, feed her, and put her back into her bed. And I thought that was less than ideal. But then, she started being a super sleeper, going to bed easily at 8:30 when she'd sing herself to sleep and sleeping until 6. She is still that cheery little sleeper. Cut to my life now- I have a son who has insistently coslept since day 1, nursing constantly throughout the night when he was newborn *and I do mean constantly* until he was around 2.5 months old, when it switched to nursing every 2 hours but still wanting to be in my bed because that's where he was comfortable. He never liked being swaddled as L did, never would stay asleep after being put down, as L did, and truthfully, I didn't have the energy to fight it in the early months like I would have with L. And so now, here we are, with an almost 5 month old who is incapable of sleeping alone. As I write this, it is night 4 of attempting sleep training, and he has been screaming in his crib for almost two straight hours (with us going in to soothe at intervals). Things are, in fact, getting worse, as the first couple of nights he settled down after an hour or so, and slept in his crib for an hour before waking up for me to retrieve him (at which point I just brought him to bed with me like the weakling I am). I sought help from some breastfeeding resource groups in our area early on, and was immediately vilified for being "unwilling to just do what the baby clearly needed" and continue cosleeping. I let them shame me into continuing what I knew wasn't sustainable. I hear that cosleeping wotks for some people- I am not one of them. "You'll look back on this time and just be glad that you were able to cuddle with him every night" "If he's crying it's because he has a legitimate need to be held and soothed" "You're doing emotional damage by letting him cry at all" .... these were some of the kinder comments my requests for help solicited on a facebook group. One person actually begged me to let him cosleep because she had been orphaned at 18 months and couldn't bear the thought of any other child crying for their parents like she knew she must have... dramatic. I knew better then to let him stay in my bed, but I didn't do better. I guess this is my word of warning to anybody out there reading this who might be about to have a baby- first, second, seventh, whatever- unless you can see yourself sharing a bed with this child until he's ready to head out the door to middle school (where teasing should take care of him still wanting to sleep with Mommy and Daddy) don't put the kid in your bed. Don't don't don't don't. Sleep on the couch with them if you must. Insist on swaddling even if they don't seem to care for it. But don't put them in a bed that you share with them or they will fight gum and nail to stay there. Unless you need a kick in your pants to start your blog back up while waiting for them to go to sleep (SERIOUSLY KID????)

Farewell, Daisy

I knew my car wouldn't last forever, and when we brought it to Germany it was a one way ticket for my little Sentra. But, just the same, I bawled my eyes out today when I drove Daisy for the last time, and left her on the lot of a used car dealer. It was time for us to say goodbye. My stroller barely fit in the back, let alone with something bulky like groceries or luggage, and when visitors came then we were all uncomfortable. Just the same, the memories made driving around in my '05 Nissan Sentra were some of the most major moments in my life. I'm chronicling them in the hopes that, someday, when Layla is crying over an item that doesn't have feelings to love her back, I can remember that I, too, have spilled tears over such a  thing.
This was the first car that was ever all mine- a college graduation gift from my parents. They helped my buy it and cosigned on the loan, with comfortable $105 per month payments that were just big enough for a girl who had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. This car carried me and all the things I could fit in it to Chicago, chasing a bad relationship that would never work out. It took me safely to St. Louis in the middle of the night, to pick up my sister, Ellen, when her flight was rerouted and I so desperately needed to see a friendly face. It shuttled me around the Chicago suburbs for the next year, and showed me that I don't need a guy's help when I effectively jumped the battery after my boss insisted that with jumper cables "you connect positive to negative" (wrong, very wrong). Together we traveled back home again, both a little damaged and in need of healing, where my dad hammered out the dents in Daisy and my mom helped piece together my fragile self identity again. It carried me to Gunnison, Colorado, to start my teaching program, and then to my first day of teaching at Edison Elementary in Colorado Springs. I spent hours driving around town in Daisy, talking on the phone, questioning what I was doing what my life, and meeting up with friends. It took me to meet up with B for our 2nd date, and 10 months later, B and I drove away in Daisy from our wedding reception. We took our first trip back to B's hometown in South Carolina in Daisy, and continued up the east coast before heading home. In 2010, we moved to Ohio and Daisy rode behind B's truck filled to the brim with our belongings. Daisy and I toodled around Dayton, and I remember sitting in her in the parking lot of the hospital on a frozen December morning after finding out that we were expecting Layla. She stayed with us after we shipped the truck ahead of us to Germany, then bought us to Baltimore where we put her on a ship and we caught our flight to Ramstein. When I picked up Daisy, she was my ticket to freedom yet again- a car I could comfortably drive on the small German roads and reasonably expect to park in cities. Her compact passenger compartment made it possible for me to reach out and comfort my crying newborn, or comfort my new mommy anxiety, as we made the long drive to everywhere. I learned one of the most important lessons of my life while driving Daisy with my sweet tiny baby in the back seat- electronics and driving DO NOT MIX- after plowing into a field while talking to my baby and clicking through songs on my iPod. She kept us safe, and after B replaced the wheels and glued the bumper back on, she kept right on buzzing down the road. B headed out on his deployment, and Daisy was my reliable ride everywhere- I started the truck sitting in the driveway, but unless I needed 4 wheel drive, Daisy was always my choice in vehicles when leaving the house. I picked up guest after guest from the Frankfurt Airport, and then left Daisy sitting in the garage for a month when I went home. She gamely started when I returned, while the truck sat lamely in the driveway with a dead battery. When my parents came for a visit, my dad folded into the front seat and my mom squeezed into the back as we took trips all around the area before Daisy made her final trip as "moving van",  carrying my things from our off base home onto our new home on Ramstein. Layla and I picked up B from his deployment in Daisy, and we barely squeezed his gear in to the trunk, backseat and front seat before heading home. She wound us through the Austrian Alps on the way to a vacation in Bavaria, and took me on my long awaited trip to Paris. My sister, Beth, played games nonstop in the back seat to entertain Layla while we laughed and loved every minute together. But, it became painfully obvious that Daisy wouldn't be able to keep up for too much longer. In the next couple of years our family will likely grow again, and we'll need room for a second car seat. The autobahn was becoming a bit scarier every time we had to enter the high speed lane, and her doors and windows whistled with cold air. The mileage had reached over 100,000 and we would soon need to replace parts to keep Daisy up to German emission standards. It was time. Daisy will be exported to another country in the European Union that has lower emission standards than Germany, and will hopefully be just the reliable little car some family is looking for. If I could tell that family some things about her, I would tell them it takes 3 times tries to start, but she will always start. The scratches on the back bumper are just from me not being careful about pulling the stroller out, sorry for that. If the CD player stops working, just wait five minutes. I will miss her. While I know Daisy is a machine with no capability for feelings, I am grateful for the years we spent together.

A week in March- with Mary!

I have been lucky enough to have collected a fantastic group of girl friends, reaching back to my preschool days and rounding out with a couple of great girls here in Germany. During our time in Ohio, I met Mary. She joined a bible study I was a part of, and I knew right away that we would be friends. Mary is stylish, funny, sensible, honest, one of the smartest women I've ever met, and one of the truest friends I could have hoped to make. I can't believe that we've only been friends for a few years, as we already share so many memories! Our move to Germany was right around the time that Mary deployed to Qatar, and we kept each other going by sending goofy cards and checking in on one another. She safely returned to her husband in Ohio last fall, and when I told her that B would be deploying this spring, she started planning her trip out to visit me and meet Layla! Being a seasoned traveler around Europe, I hoped Mary would be able to help me kick start some travels around our local area. The first couple of days were spent around the house because we got the BIGGEST snow of the season the day after she arrived, shutting down base and making me feel a bit too nervous to venture further than one village over to pick up dinner. After the snow melted, though, Mary and I experienced our first Easter markets, traveled to Metz, France, and in general just ate and drank our way through a wonderful week. Other highlights: watching Drop Dead Gorgeous a few times(seriously, Mary, I love that I got to watch this perfecto comedy with you for the first time, it so wraps up our dark sense of humor), discussing the election of the new pope(she's not Catholic, but very educated and had interesting viewpoints), eating everything we bought from a shopping trip to a French grocery story (oh wait, did I already mention eating? Whatever, we did that a lot!) So, here's the thing about Mary. She doesn't have kids yet, and when she and I became friends in Ohio, I wasn't a mom yet either, so I was a tiny bit nervous that my having a baby around with fairly demanding needs might be stressful. Wrong! SO WRONG! One of the biggest gifts you can give to a friend who is a new mom is to be a fan of her baby. I know that sounds so simple, but I cannot tell you how important it is. I remember feeling awkward making friends around that time, just feeling completely insecure in this new phase of life. Would people like my baby, like I needed them to so I could be myself around them? Would my friends-from-my-previous-life still like me?? Mary scooped up Layla as soon as I could unbuckle her from the stroller in the airport, and put any fear or awkwardness to rest. She was unbelievable with Layla! Layla clicked with her right away, too, I think sensing Mary's fun nature and genuine affection for her. When you are by yourself with an infant 24/7 with very little outside adult interaction, you start to forget what it's like to have someone in the house that answers when you talk out loud, lends a helping hand when you have something you NEED to get done (shower, anyone?), or actually cares that you put something other than yoga pants! Having Mary visit just warmed our house up during a cold, snowy March here in Germany. Mary, you were truly a light in what could have been a very dark time for me, and everyone should be so lucky as to have a friend like you!

Our Whole Family!

After seven months, B is HOME! Layla and I drove to Frankfurt and picked him up from the airport on Sunday, September 8 and we've been happily spending time together ever since. Aside from having to go into work for a couple of hours for the first 3 days he was home, B has been off work for a week and a half, and will continue to be until Thursday. The time has been flying by, mainly because we have been SO busy! There was lots of unpacking and rearranging to be done (since I moved into this house while B was gone, I hadn't really allowed enough space for all of his stuff) and I had a whole "honey-do" list waiting, too. B has cheerfully been making his way through that list, and the house is looking better every day. We finally took our first official family photos; a combination of "Layla is one!" and "B is home from deployment!". They were done at a local castle on a really frosty morning. Poor Layla was so cold, I was convinced we hadn't gotten a single good shot but after reviewing the pictures yesterday, our photographer really did get a few good ones! The best part of the last two weeks has been a four day trip to Garmisch, Germany in Bavaria, where we stayed at the Edelweiss Lodge and Resort. It's a hotel run specifically for American military set in an absolutely gorgeous area of Germany. Honestly, when we heard we were moving here, this area is what I pictured. It reminded me so much of the mountain towns in Colorado- a mix of Breckenridge and Boulder. Anyway, it was a "slice of Heaven" as my friend CeCe so correctly put it. The room had a breathtaking view, there was a pool to splash in with Layla, restaurants and a coffee shop on site, and easy access to the village itself. I've heard people call it the "ugly American hotel" but I just don't even care. It was relaxing, and let us focus on being a family again without the struggles that can come with traveling in a foreign country. It was a five hour drive with a small stretch through Austria and the last hour wound us through the Bavarian Alps. Layla did so well in the car- playing, sleeping, eating, and watching Kidsongs. We spent our first full day walking into the town to have breakfast at a bakery, playing in the hotel pool, and planning our second day activities over dinner at a gasthouse (German hotel). Edelweiss offered a number of tours daily, and while we didn't go on one of the tours, we used it as a guide for what the area had to offer. I really wanted to visit Neuschwanstein Castle, which is the castle that Walt Disney modeled Sleeping Beauty castle after, but we will have to do that another time when Layla is old enough that we don't need a stroller. Instead, we visited Linderhof Palace- the primary residence of King Ludwig II (click here to read about this beloved Bavarian king). It was only about a half hour drive from our hotel, and the location did not disappoint! Tours of the palace were offered in English, so we were able to visit the inside of Linderhof. It was rainy and foggy that morning, but I think it really only added to the beauty and magic of Linderhof. The palace is really quite small- the king never married and didn't like to entertain- but the surrounding gardens are large and so neat to tour. Of course, there were also a lot of stairs, which mean lugging Layla and a jogging stroller down stairs and up alternate routes. In the end, it was so worth it and really remarkable. We stopped for lunch and shopping in a village on the way home before heading back to the hotel for mother/daughter napping before our carriage ride through Garmisch. The ride had been booked before we realized what a big day visiting Linderhof would be, and I think we all wished that we could cancel it and just spend the evening by the pool. We headed home on Friday, which turned out to be much lengthier than our drive to Garmisch after we were stuck in two huuuuuuuuuuuge traffic jams, or "staus" as they are called here. Since then, we've been unpacking, doing laundry, cleaning, and visiting the annual Pumpkin Festival to welcome the beginning of fall! I know the next week with B home will fly by, and I'm just so grateful for this reintegration time. Layla has really bonded with B, which has been a big relief for us both. After being gone for over half of her life, I think it was a big concern in the back of both of our heads how long it would take for Layla to understand that he was her daddy and here to stay. He really worked at spending time doing what she wanted, playing her games, comforting her when she was upset and not just giving her to me, keeping her so I can go do errands, and showing her that she can trust him. Nothing has made me smile bigger than when B knelt down with his arms open and Layla toddled as fast her her leggies could carry her to him, grinning and giggling.

Our hello is Their goodbye

I can't believe we are finally in the last few days of this deployment- excited doesn't even begin to cover it! But, as thrilled as I am, I can't help but think of the family around the corner from us, the family who is counting down the days until their sad goodbye. The location that B is deployed to is a standing position, one that someone from his office has to constantly man. Now, while B is rotating home, his coworker J is preparing to leave. I know B has served his time, really a month more than everyone else before him, and we certainly have missed him. I cannot wait to see him get to know his little girl again. However, J also has a little girl. She's two and a half, and will notice exponentially more the person missing from her life. When we arrived in Germany, we knew at some point B would need to go to Kosovo. He had the forethought to jump on this rotation, which was really the best timing. Layla would still be small enough that she wouldn't even remember him, and B wouldn't miss any of the holiday season. I had a hard time admitting it, but this really was the best time for him to go. But, for the family around the corner, J will miss Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines, her birthday, and Easter. It breaks my heart to think about. So, while I look at the yard and think, "It can wait until B is home." I know that M is looking at her yard and saying, "J, will you take care of that one more time so I don't have to try and do it while watching L?" While I decide the box in the garage won't really bother me enough over the next week to haul it up to the attic myself, M no doubt has a list of final to-do's for J. And while I'm making a list of special list of meals to welcome B home with, she is doing the same, only to say goodbye.
So, readers, if you wouldn't mind saying a special prayer for this family, and for all families just starting a deployment, I sure would appreciate it. The anticipation to a deployment is agonizing, and the first few weeks are the very hardest as everyone grapples with what will be the reality of the next few months.

On base living

As most of you probably know, our family moved onto Ramstein AB exactly a month ago yesterday! We had been on and off of the base housing wait list since we arrived in April of 2012 (mostly on), and were very excited when we were offered a townhome on Ramstein. For a bit of background, this was particularly fortunate because we were originally offered a 2 bed/1 bath third floor apartment, and knew that we could be offered a small apartment again or offered a home on another base that would have meant still not being very close to Beau's work or the amenities here on base (grocery store, shopping, gym etc). Had we been offered one of those places, we would have turned it down again and come off of the wait list. Our home in Oberstaufenbach was really very nice, and so we were willing to wait for the exact type of home on the base we wanted before moving. It was a harder decision than I thought it would be to leave the 'Stauf, mainly because our home there was really comfortable and I had become close with my neighbor, but ultimately I knew that life would be easier living on base. So, I made the arrangements, booked Thumper at the dog sitter, and scheduled the movers to pack up the house! The timing was ideal in some ways, and bad in others. My parents were here visiting, but left for Paris on a scheduled trip the day the movers loaded the truck and moved us to our new home. They were able to help me do all of the "pre-pack" stuff, like take down curtains and pictures, and set aside the things I would want immediate access to while unpacking the rest of the home. One of B's coworkers was assigned to help me for the day, and so he sat at our old house as the packers loaded the truck while I took possession of the home on base (and Layla snoozed in the car), then he sat at the new house while the movers unloaded the truck so his wife and I could go to the old house and clean out the last of the stuff the movers wouldn't pack (and Layla snoozed in the car). I don't know what I would have done without Adam and Choi, they were just so helpful. Choi then kept Layla busy so I could unpack Layla's room, which I wanted to do immediately so she could maybe start to think of this as home. We muddled through the next 4 days, unpacking when I could keep Layla safely distracted, and playing outside and among the boxes cluttering the whole home. My parents returned from Paris that Saturday (we had moved on Tuesday) and helped me quickly plow through the boxes, hang pictures (masonry drill bit required), and make this new house feel quite homey! I can't imagine what life would have been like without them here... the words sad, stressed, and lonely come to mind, though. So, to my parents, a big old THANK YOU times about a million!
So, was the move worth it? Do I regret giving up the whole guest apartment, carpeting, a single family home, space, and privacy? SO WORTH IT! No regrets, at all. I can drive to the grocery store in 2 minutes, walk there in about 7. That's right, a seven minute walk. That would have gotten me halfway here driving from our old house. Layla and I can get out often, run our errands, multiple times a day if necessary. No one big trip to base per day anymore. I've found our daily walks much more relaxing, as there are no flies and no tractors, even if the surroundings are slightly less scenic (I say slightly because I actually really enjoy walking around neighborhoods, saying hi to people and critiquing lawn decor) Our neighbors are quiet and respectful, which is SO much more than I could say about our old neighbors (aside from Jamie's family of course, who I love and still see often). Once B returns in just over a week (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) he will be able to drive to work in less than 5 minutes, walk in about 10 if he wants to. And, since I no longer feel like it's such a journey just to go do errands every day, I've been able to get out and about and enjoy the community outside of base much more than I ever did before. As far as the house itself goes, we really did not give up much. It will be cozier when people come visit for sure, but for the bulk of the time the apartment at our other house just sat empty anyway. I love having two levels, it makes it much easier to get things done while Layla is napping in her room without having having the worry of waking her. There is actually a dedicated play room in this house that I can see straight into from the kitchen(it's supposed to be the eat-in kitchen, but we also have a dining room so our table is in the dining room) and I've been able to contain most of Layla's toys there. Our backyard at our old house was raised, which wasn't ideal with a toddler, but here it is nice and flat and Layla lovvvvves wandering around chasing the dog, playing with her sand table- it's just perfect for us.
Anyway, time to wrap up this wordy post, but just know- we are settled in to our new home and very happy here!

Happy Birthday to my Layla Girl!

Layla is one- ONE! One whole year old! I have successfully kept another human being alive for a full calendar year! What a year it has been, too! Nobody really ever knows what they are getting into when they have children, and I'm no different. We were really as prepared as we could be, and I've spent time around many kids in my life, but nothing can mimic caring for a squirming, fully dependent, tiny human that can't communicate her needs in any way other than screaming around the clock. Fortunately, there is the overwhelming love that comes with meeting your own child that somehow carries you through the blur that is "year one" of life. I really can't believe that Layla is already a year old, I've just loved being her mommy and getting to know her little personality. She is a live wire, always curious, always moving, always learning. I guess that's the way of little people, though, isn't it? A few commonly asked questions:
Is Layla walking? Yes! She took a few steps right before 11 months, and took off from there. One of her favorite activities right now is chasing Thumper around the yard, and she's very quick about it.
How many teeth does she have? Four all the way out, one through and three on the way. We love Highland's Teething Tablets around here.
Does Layla talk? She says a few words. Dada. Da for dog. Fffff for fan. She communicates well in other ways, though. I know perfectly well when she wants to watch a Kidsongs dvd- it's hard to ignore her pounding on the blu-ray player and pointing at the screen. When she's tired or feeling upset, she reaches straight down my shirt, no matter if we're at home or at church or the grocery store...gotta love babies. And she knows where the Cheerios are and can point out the cabinet!
What are her favorite foods? Avocado, cheerios, Greek yogurt, peaches, apples, green beans, Eggo waffles, and a sweet potato risotto I've made a few times. Things she won't eat? Milk. Cheese. Eggs.
How is Layla sleeping? Ha. She naps for an hour and a half if I'm lucky in her crib, and then is up 2 times between 9 and 7:30.
Any favorite things she's formed an attachment to? No blankies and she spit out her pacifier months ago, but she does love a red and white bouncy ball that my mom got her, as well as a bunny I got for her birthday. Oh, and anything with cords. Answering machine, surge protector.. she wants to wear it like a stole. So THAT'S fun to try and police
Overall, Layla is just a happy busy little girl, and I know the next year will provide at least as many surprises as this last one. Cheers to you, Layla Ann, you are very loved!